This is so right on! I went to live with my Dad's family at age 11. He had remarried a woman with 4 children and they had 2 daughters together. It was a very professional and on the outside looking good family but I saw how dysfunctional it was and felt it was my mission (at age 11) to bring some semblance of sanity to the whole group. I soon realized I couldn't offer much except some support to certain individuals. I maintained a relationship with all of them for the rest of their lives and became very close to one of my half sisters. Your insight about dealing with systems and relationships is very helpful. Thank you! It explains a lot about how I have managed in life.
Excellent post, thank you for articulating this! I find the biggest struggle of my life is learning to let go of the need to constantly assess and analyze and keep score (i.e. the inclination to be my 'scientist' self) when I'm with family/close friends. I will say that when I'm able to successfully do it, I usually have a much better time.
I was a proud INTJ for many years, but always trying to be an ENTJ. Recently retested and am an INTP. Makes so much more sense now. The futility of controlling the system ultimately leads to a reassessment of what you can actually change vs how you need to accept reality and work within the chaos.
What? Why don't you ask me to change the list you're on? I'm fascinated by how many people who are not INTJs just stay on the list. This does not happen for other lists.
I don’t know how I got on the list. But I was “all in” on the INTJ identity for years so probably signed up. The whole MBTI thing is an interesting…pathology? The INTJ type is seductively self-affirming…who does not want to be the “mastermind” and God help you if you evaluate into the SF types. But with age and experience, you start to see the limits of the value in the diagnosis of a 1/16 personality type. We adapt, we blend, we adjust. There is a core and understanding that can be helpful, especially in relating to others, but…I’m not a J any more.
I think that's the difficult part for me, I can't seem to not see the scaffolding. When I try to simply just manage myself within the system I can't help but get frustrated at the stupidity of others around me. You are so right about the family system it is not efficient at all. My father's side being the traditional part and my mom's side is a combination of emotion, guilt, and obligation.
This is startlingly accurate for me. With an aging family member recently diagnosed with cancer, the traditional roles and obligations are rising to the surface. I just...don't want to live those roles. My boundaries are being tested so I need a good mantra right now. Framing things as "the family system is illogical but I can manage my own role in it, carefully" is useful. Liberating.
This is so right on! I went to live with my Dad's family at age 11. He had remarried a woman with 4 children and they had 2 daughters together. It was a very professional and on the outside looking good family but I saw how dysfunctional it was and felt it was my mission (at age 11) to bring some semblance of sanity to the whole group. I soon realized I couldn't offer much except some support to certain individuals. I maintained a relationship with all of them for the rest of their lives and became very close to one of my half sisters. Your insight about dealing with systems and relationships is very helpful. Thank you! It explains a lot about how I have managed in life.
Excellent post, thank you for articulating this! I find the biggest struggle of my life is learning to let go of the need to constantly assess and analyze and keep score (i.e. the inclination to be my 'scientist' self) when I'm with family/close friends. I will say that when I'm able to successfully do it, I usually have a much better time.
I was a proud INTJ for many years, but always trying to be an ENTJ. Recently retested and am an INTP. Makes so much more sense now. The futility of controlling the system ultimately leads to a reassessment of what you can actually change vs how you need to accept reality and work within the chaos.
What? Why don't you ask me to change the list you're on? I'm fascinated by how many people who are not INTJs just stay on the list. This does not happen for other lists.
I don’t know how I got on the list. But I was “all in” on the INTJ identity for years so probably signed up. The whole MBTI thing is an interesting…pathology? The INTJ type is seductively self-affirming…who does not want to be the “mastermind” and God help you if you evaluate into the SF types. But with age and experience, you start to see the limits of the value in the diagnosis of a 1/16 personality type. We adapt, we blend, we adjust. There is a core and understanding that can be helpful, especially in relating to others, but…I’m not a J any more.
I think that's the difficult part for me, I can't seem to not see the scaffolding. When I try to simply just manage myself within the system I can't help but get frustrated at the stupidity of others around me. You are so right about the family system it is not efficient at all. My father's side being the traditional part and my mom's side is a combination of emotion, guilt, and obligation.
This is startlingly accurate for me. With an aging family member recently diagnosed with cancer, the traditional roles and obligations are rising to the surface. I just...don't want to live those roles. My boundaries are being tested so I need a good mantra right now. Framing things as "the family system is illogical but I can manage my own role in it, carefully" is useful. Liberating.